For My Little Girl

With fatherhood imminently approaching, I've been reflecting on my own life. I'm sure that though this is just "par for the course" for most parents, it is just finally settling into my scattered brain. Couple that with the unusually strong contemplative mood I've been in recently, and you have a recipe (why do I always spell that word wrong?) for a blog entry.
There's so much emotion going on in me lately. Excitement, anxiousness, awe, fear, confusion (that's normal though), longing, and love. So many ask me on a regular basis, "Are you excited?" I usually just respond "Yes" and move on, because my real answer would be something like this:
I am more anxious and nervous than anything. I honestly have no idea what I'm getting into. I've never done this before, and its thrilling and scary at the same time. There is a little soul that I will be accountable for, and its just sinking in how great a responsibility that is.
The natural pessimist within me is going crazy thinking about all the crap she's going to go through just living in this world, even if Rese and I do things "perfectly". How am I going to be able to shelter her from hate, darkness, evil...boys? And is that even necessary? How do I preform this balancing act of instilling purity and love in her and at the same time expose her to the awfulness that our world can be? How do I protect her from bad friends that will only bring her down? How do I keep her from the disillusionment that I so deeply experienced?
It is incredible that I could be so filled with love for someone I've yet to meet face-to-face. That someone will share my genetic makeup (pray for her!) but have a personality all her own. I want so much for her, but know that there's only so much I can give her. I'm scared to death to let her down and disappoint her.
I want to tell her that the world is her's. To find beauty and truth wherever it is and affirm it. To not run from conflict, suffering and pain, but to understand their roles in growing and shaping us. To understand that there's more to life than a career, money, or status. To know that true love really is possible, though it doesn't come easy. To embrace humanity in all its ugliness, not for what it is, but what it can be.
That's a good summary of my thoughts as of late. I'll leave it at that for now. To be continued...